Friday, October 28, 2005

Exorcising Eric Smith

ANNAPOLIS, MD - 10/28/05 - Having determined that a simple "no confidence" vote would be insufficient to forever banish the everlasting soul of former Superintendent of Schools, Eric Smith, from Anne Arundel County, members of the Anne Arundel Teacher's Union have decided to take a more dramatic tact. They have agreed to vote on actions to make it clear to Dr. Smith that he should never return here from his Harvard hiatus.

Despite Dr. Smith's recent resignation as Superintendent, there remains the belief among some in the teacher's union, that his presence will continue to haunt union/school board negotiations for years to come. According to Union president Shelley Finley, "Dr. Smith's reign of terror was so severe that drastic steps have to be taken to ensure his eternal explusion. It was just horrible. For god's sake, he wouldn't even listen to us."

Some of the proposals that will be voted on in the November 2 balloting include: Whether to draw-and-quarter Dr. Smith's large oak desk; Whether to place Dr. Smith's personal assistant, Myra, in an iron maiden for a period not to exceed two weeks, and; Whether anyone uttering the words "Eric Smith" should have their mouth filled with hot coals.1

In a closing comment, Finley offered, "Hey, we can't seem to get the teachers better pay or benefits, so it seems like the least we can do is offer them the opportunity to symbolically flog this dead horse. And flog it we will."

An artist's rendering of one of the myriad tortures proposed for the former Superintendent, as voted on by the Anne Arundel Teacher's Association.

1 Capital cartoonist, Eric Smith could not be reached for comment on this final proposal in time for publication.

This is satire. Any resemblance contained herein to individuals living or deceased is purely coincidental.

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